Monday, 20 August 2007

Shanghai Welcomes Further Criticism of Chinese Products

For Immediate Release

21st August 2007 [Shanghai] In a recent conference on China's export policies organised by the Shanghai Bureau of Shuthefuckup, a spokesman for the Bureau stated that he welcomed the criticism from the US. He stated that this kind of international watch dogging was exactly what China needed to motivate Chinese manufacturers to up their game. During a break from a sessions on Convincing Your Trade Partner that It's Not Dumping if You Make a Profit he said "History has shown us that anyone that the US bitches about, inevitably ends up being the leader in that field. Take for instance Japanese car and electronics manufacturers. Household names like Toyota, Honda, Sony, [and] NEC are all the result of years of PR smear campaigns telling the US consumer that Japanese products are shoddy."

He said that the only regret that he had in the recent recall announcements were that companies under scrutiny were not Chinese companies, and that he was actually quite concerned that both children and adults would be affected by the lead contained in the painted toys. He explained "Only last week, I had to take my sons Malibu Barbie off him and replace it with a cheaper Chinese imitation. I really feared for his health as he spends much of his free time licking the paint off the doll."

Asssociated Presss

Tuesday, 14 August 2007

The Global Sand Pit

For many years I pondered what real qualifications do you need to get into global politics but recently, watching the to and fro between China and the US has led me to believe that all you really need is a good primary school education. Consider the most recent exchanges of possibly the two most powerful nations in the world today.

This is brinkmanship at it's best.

US: You have too much of a trade surplus so rather than trying to be more globally competitive lets increase tariffs on Chinese products like bra's and t-shirts.

CN: Fine! But if you we're going to dump a big chunk of our $1 trillion USD on the open market to cripple your currency.

US: Oh Shit, that's not good. In that case let's create a smear campaign against China made toys and fake a story of cardboard in pork buns.

CN: Hmmm, just for that, lets announce that US made GE turbines are unsafe.

US: You want us to stop selling arms to Taiwan you'd better increase the value of the RMB
CN: You want us to talk to North Korea for you better shut the F#%K UP

US: Your human rights record stinks.

CN: And where are those weapons of mass destruction?

US: Yo mamma so fat...... (well you can see the direction this is heading)

It all going to end in tears.